Eugh.

Things I've learnt today:

• When I see a male doctor, I'm given drugs. When I see a female nurse, I'm given advice.
• Trying to fry food is a good way to start a house fire.

You may have noticed that I no longer update this blog on a regular basis, and when I do it is only to say that I no longer update this blog on a regular basis. That's mainly because I'm rarely on the computer anymore, and posting from my phone can be a bit of a bother.

But here I am, off work ill without a games console or the patience to sit through a movie.
So I'm updating again.

My throat swelled up yesterday and I ran a fever that robbed me of sleep last night, so I callled in sick at work this morning. I rang the doctors and asked for an appointment, but they only told me that they were fully booked for the day and if I wished to book an appointment for next week, then I'd have to ring up tomorrow. On that bomshell, I decided to go home and try to get a few hours sleep.

Upon waking, I caught the tram to town and visited the health service drop-in centre, where I politely sat on my ass and waited to see a professional.

Instead, I was seen by a woman who advised me to eat some fruit and get some rest. Now, while doing the opposite would no doubt have negative effects on a person, I've never known doing such to provide a cure for anything. But hey, I'm not the one wearing the name badge, right?

The trouble is that I don't eat fruit. The texture of it makes me sick. Resting I can do, but eating fruit is no go. I have instead found some vitamin tablets in my room and tried them. They're not pleasant, but I haven't been sick from taking them.

Nope, I felt sick from not eating. Y'know, what with the whole being unable to swallow anything through a swollen oesophagus. To remedy this, I decided to fry some potato slices and flavour them with garlic.

I'm not going into detail here, but it turned out pretty terrible and they were mostly unedible. This is probably some kind of lesson I'm supposed to learn, seeing as the last time I used a frying pan to make sausages, it caught fire and I freaked the fuck out. When I say "freaked the fuck out" what I really mean is that I instantly forgot all of my fire marshall training, threw the pan in the sink and blasted it with cold water. Big mistake. Ruined a nice t-shirt and lost some lovely arm hair doing that.

Still, it hasn't put me off cooking.