Time Out

On Tuesday I literally cleaned out my closet.

It started with my intentions to accomplish many other tasks but being distracted by a messy desk in my room. I decided to clear away a bit of clutter only to find that I didn't really have anywhere else to put it. The shelves are stacked with various crap I've thrown in their general direction, the cupboard piled high with paperwork desperately in need of adequate filing.

Clearing one space of its' crap meant trying to relocate it to another place that, in itself, was again full of crap. So what started as moving a few things from my desk soon escalated into cleaning out my entire room. And so, an entire day flew by without me even coming to a satisfied finish.

I threw out clothes, crap, papers, pens, books, trinkets, toys and memories. The more I got into it, the more I found myself doubting and second-guessing myself; hanging on to things I really don't need or want. It took a while for me to figure out that this was how I came to have so much crap cluttering up my room in the first place.

But I did it. I took things I've previously hung on to and just plain threw them out. They had to go. They weren't necessary in any way and I had to let go. And I did. I moved on.

I don't think I could've done this so effectively before. That's why it all amounted to so much. (That, and a penchant to avoid doing any sorting/tidying on a real level.) I'm stronger now than I've ever been, and it took some consideration of what I was doing, but I'm ultimately happy with the choice. I've taken a big step away from the past and I'm building a brighter future.

I'm still me: I threw out what I couldn't sell.

Last night, Christine and I got our London trip fully booked. Everything is sorted, almost everything is paid. We're just waiting on tickets, and I'm so damn excited! It's gonna be magic!

Things are peachy.

But right now, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. Not the fun kind of overwhelmed you might expect to be overcome with when you see an actual Transformer strutting down the street, throwing cars and shit. Nah, the other kind.

In a way, I've got that old feeling of time escaping me again. I just have so much to do, and no amount of time away from work seems to be enough to get it all done. Feels like it's all piling up and I'm just climbing the stack.

Work's a drama too. It's all big changes this year, for better and worse. They're handing us the worse, and I'm grinding hard for the better. I'm setting myself up for big challenges, big changes, big difference. I'm happy with my choices, but strong on my stance. Work has to work.

I guess what really has my goose up at the moment is my Mommy. She's ill again, and her medication has been changed. Again. After her condition was finally recognised, the drugs she's been prescribed have now been changed to three other prescriptions. Yeah, three. Nothing seems to be working.

No results yet on her MRI scan, and I'm just wracked with anxiety. Beneath this cool exterior, I'm actually pretty frightened. She's golden, and I always fear the worst. It's taken me too long to finally accept my membership to the Half Orphan Club; I'm not ready for a Premium membership.

Hard times,

Busy times,

Broad shoulders,

We carry the weight.